John Keats and the Stupidity of Nobility

Last night I went to see the movie Bright Star. It's about the romance and eventually death of the poet John Keats. Needless to say, I cried like a baby.

This movie is a great example of one of my giant pet peeves about the male psyche. It drives me insane how men think that by being noble and self-sacrificing they are somehow going to save women pain. Well, a newsflash to all men out there - IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

John Keats was a great example. He falls in love with Fanny and then realizes that they can never marry because he has no money. So he tries to push her away. Then he realizes he is dying and comes back to her only to leave her again because he does not want her to watch him die.

There are many things wrong with this situation.

1. Once you are involved with someone, you are involved. There is no room for second thoughts. It's not like he suddenly was going to come into money and poof problem solved. If he knew he could never marry, then he should have stayed away from Fanny. Don't start something that you cannot finish!
2. Why oh why would he think that she would care that he had no money. When a woman loves a man, she will not let anything get in the way. She finds a way to make it work. In this situation, John Keats had such a narrow focus. He could not think outside the box to figure out a way for them to be together so instead they both remained miserable.
3. Why on earth would he think that going to Italy to die would make things easier? It just cheated them out of their last moments together. It's not like Fanny was able to be like "oh I don't love John anymore because he is in Italy." Being apart probably made his death harder not easier for her. In effect, John did her a great disservice.

This stupid idea of nobility does no one any good. It only makes things harder for the couple involved. Stopping a relationship out of some misguided sense of self-sacrifice does nothing but create misery. Is either party really going to be able to just flip a switch and move on? No. They are just going to suffer apart instead of working on things together.

In my opinion, this idea of separating for the good of the other person is a point of weak character. It shows that 1) the person is not willing to find a way around the obstacle and 2) the person does not believe enough in the relationship to think that it can survive outside of ideal circumstances.

Truly, Keats sold Fanny short. And sadly it has been a theme throughout history and literature. Maybe I'll write a novel where the guy actually does the correct thing - i.e. talk to the other person and work out the problem.

But, I guess no one would read that book or see that movie. It would not have enough drama. I mean I did pay $10 to cry my eyes out while watching Keats die and Fanny have a breakdown over his death. It would not have had the same emotional punch and it been a movie about conversation instead of miscommunication. . .