One Year Later

My grandmother passed away a year ago today. She was my last remaining grandparent. She did live a long life - she was 92 when she died - but I still really miss her.

For most of my life, we were not very close. I saw her maybe two or three times a year. Once we moved to Maryland, it became maybe once or twice a year. However, for the last year and a half of her life, she lived in an assisted living facility near my parents, and I saw her much more frequently.

For the first time ever, I spent holidays with my grandmother. She came over for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthday dinners, etc. It was really nice. I felt like I got to know her a lot better. She was quite the character. I loved hearing stories about her mafia boyfriends and her childhood years in Little Italy. She was also extremely blunt but usually in a very funny way. It was great to see her give my dad a tough time - no one else dares to do that at home (at least not the way that she did).

It was also fun to have her nearby because I got to hear stories about my dad. My father is not much of a talker, and he rarely talks about his childhood. Hearing my grandmother tell funny stories about him made me feel like I got to know him better through her.

When she passed away, it was really tough for me. I felt like I could not grieve with my family. Her relationship with my sister and mother was strained and my father is not really one for emotion. I was not able to really cry until my friends showed up at the funeral. Once I saw them, it was like a giant release of pent up sadness. I am so grateful that they came because it was nice to be able to talk about her without having to worry about whether or not it would upset my family.

One year later, I still really miss my grandmother. I'm grateful for the time that I was able to spend with her and also very sad that the time was so short. It's hard to know that she was ready to go. She was so unhappy being away from Queens for the last few years of her life. It's tough to know that she died feeling lonely.

I chose this picture to display because it is one of my favorites. When Grandma first moved to Pennsylvania, we were so worried that she and my sister's dog Zoe would not get along. Surprisingly, they ended up becoming best buds. I love this photo because you can almost see the cartoonish hearts coming out of their eyes as they look at each other with mutual adoration.

This is how I want to remember my grandmother - happy and expressing her sharp wit and wonderful stories. I love you Grandma!

What's Awesome Now? Howl at the Moon

Last night, I went out for my friend's bachelorette party. We went to this really cool place in Baltimore called Howl at the Moon.

We had a great time. The music was fun, and we were all singing along. As the night went on, the more off key we got. But, who cares. It's all in good fun.

One of the most awesome things about this place were the drinks. They serve jello shots in syringes! It was the coolest thing - and actually very practical as it made them easier to eat.


They also had several different kinds of drinks served in buckets. Basically it was 84 ounces of various forms of alcohol and some juice. They are served with a bunch of straws so that you can share. Well halfway through 1 bucket, and I was buzzed. I barely even drank any of bucket #2. I was already needing to lean against hte wall. I didn't want to embarrass myself by falling down if I drank anymore. :)

Anyway, it was a great night. Good friends, good entertainment, and good drinks. I would definitely go back!

Arlington: the Rap

I was talking about this video recently and decided that I just had to post it. It does not matter how many times I see it, I still crack up each time. It's hilarious. I want to meet his guy!

Looking Back on Relationships

I had an interesting conversation recently with Mike. It was a bit on the serious side, which I take as a positive step in our relationship since we feel comfortable enough with one another to talk about serious things.

But anyway, I digress. We were talking about past relationships and how sometimes you do not realize what situation you are in until you are looking back at it.

I think that this is very true with many things. It's hard to judge a situation when you are in its midst. It's easy to either ignore problems or make excuses for bad behavior. Then when the situation has passed or the relationship has ended, you begin to see things more clearly.

When looking back, you realize that certain actions, comments, etc were not acceptable. Anyone who would hurt you for the sake of hurting you is bad news and has a plethora of problems that you will not be able to help solve. Or you may realize that it was weird when the guy or girl tried to mold you into a different person. When I dated Jason, I felt so uncomfortable because it seemed like he was trying to fit me into this preconceived mold of what our relationship should be. I literally felt like he had a checklist, and it bothered me so much that I had to break up with him. At the time, I could not put my finger on what exactly I did not like about our relationship, but after a few weeks, clarity dawned and I realized the problem.

I think it's healthy to look back on relationships and experiences to try and figure out what really was going on. It's too difficult to see reason when you are clouded by emotion.

However, I do not think it's good to dwell on the past. Learn from situations and your mistakes and then move on. This way you hopefully will not end up in a similar situation or relationship in the future. Ending up in a bad situation once is understandable and happens to all of us. But, to go into the same situation when you now know the warnings signs, is upsetting because it could be avoided.

What's Awesome Now? The VMA Ad Campaign

No philosophy on this Friday! But, I do have a video of possibly the coolest ad campaign ever!

MTV Shows

Which TV President Are You?

All I have to say is thank God I did not get the President from the West Wing. My sister never would have let me live that down!

Plus, this makes me sound like I would be a kick ass President. Was there any doubt? :)

Which TV President Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Random Coincidences

I find it very interesting when you have never heard of something and then once you hear about it, it seems like you hear about it ALL THE TIME. Is it random coincidence or fate?

This has happened to me recently on two occasions.

The first involves Emerald Isle, NC. I had never heard of this place until about 2 months ago. This isn't greatly surprising as I know nothing about North Carolina except what I've learned from Nicholas Sparks novels. And it also probably has something to do with the fact that I do not really "do" the South. I am a Yankee through and through. I have issues with the fact that I now live below the Mason/Dixon line. The slow southern lifestyle just drives me nuts. Plus once you get into southern Virginia and further south everyone is just so fake nice. I know it's not sincere. No one is that genuinely happy and polite all the time.

Anyway, my discomfort with the South in general aside, it now seems like everyone I know is going to Emerald Isle, NC. Why I do not know. It really does not look like a very exciting place. However, I have a friend there right now and another headed down in a week.

The other thing that keeps coming up lately is the Serenity Prayer. My friend Lori has been telling me for years to embrace this prayer and to "own it." When she first told me about it, I had no idea what it was. Recently, I have come across it on a bookmark, during a TV show, and on a card.

And then I went to Confession and the priest actually gave me a copy of it. It's not even a Catholic prayer! I won't go into what I confessed because that is between me and God, but suffice to say, it was not that exciting. I did not even get a penance. But, the priest did think that I was stressed out and told me to embrace the Serenity Prayer. For a control freak like me, this is a difficult task to do, but I'll keep trying!

God grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Anyway, I wonder what random thing will start popping up now. . .I'm starting to feel stalked by fate.

I Won't Dance

Sometimes out of the blue, a random song pops into my head. Usually the song corresponds to my mood. I have been in a great mood because I had a fantastic weekend and a wonderful Monday. Thus, the song that came into my head is one that I associate with some of my best memories.

When I was a little girl, I used to watch old musicals from the 30s, 40s, and 50s with my grandfather. Watching these musicals - from the Bandwagon to Gigi - with him are some of my favorite childhood memories.

Last night while riding the wave of euphoria from having several good days in a row, I Won't Dance became stuck in my head. I remember hearing Fred Astaire sing this song, but for the life of me, I cannot remember what movie it was in. Oh well, that does not matter.

And then I found the best thing. A recent version of it, which is awesome. I've posted the video here. This song is just so much fun. Very tongue-and-cheek. One day, I'd love to perform it for karaoke. However, that means I actually need to go to a karaoke bar and get up the nerve to sing, but that's a post for another day. . .

What's Awesome Now? Vitamuffins

I avoid muffins like the plague because they are full of calories and fat. Bad. Bad. Bad.

However, they are delicious so it makes me sad that I cannot eat them.

Hungry-girl.com (an awesome diet blog) is always raving about vitalicious vitamuffins. I was very skeptical of them because really how good can a 100-calorie muffin be?

Well vitamuffins are DELICIOUS. I bought the chocolate ones at Giant (they are in the freezer section), and it tastes like chocolate cake. But it's awesome because it has the following:

1. Only 100 Calories
2. 50% of your daily iron requirement (this is good for me as I am now anemic and need to actually pay attention to how much iron I eat each day)
3. Only 1.5 grams of fat
4. 3 grams of protein
5. 6 grams of fiber
6. Lots of vitamins (hence the name vitamuffin)
   

For the chocoholic in all of us, they taste like real chocolate not disgusting diet chocolate. And if you do not like chocolate (which makes you deranged) there are many other flavors.

I am now a convert. I owe hungry-girl.com an apology for not believing her.

And now, I have something new that I can eat for breakfast. Yay. If only they came in lemon poppy seed too (my favorite). Oh well, you can't have everything!

Already Gone

Have you heard about the controversy around Kelly Clarkson's new single - Already Gone? Many people - Kelly included - think it sounds a lot like Beyonce's Halo. And, the same guy did work on both arrangements.

Both songs have a similar opening but I think that the similarities end there.

Although I like Halo, I really like Already Gone. The video for it is super cool too. It has an orchestra of instruments being played without people! How cool is it to see violins and cellos with bows moving and no one moving them?! How did they do that?

Anyway, here's the video.

Just When I Needed a Pick-Me-Up. . .

It's been the never ending week, and today, I definitely needed a pick-me-up. And I got it! My good friend made my day by posting the AMAZING James Franco as her sexy Friday pick. Check it out! (oh and I'm reposting the picture here because who doesn't want to look at James Franco?)

Thank God for Make-Up

I have been plagued by strange dreams lately so I have not been sleeping very well. The dreams run from fun but strange - like when I was driving around LA with Andrew McCarthy in a Maserati - to disturbing and vivid - like my trip to Galapagos to deal with their flea infestation.

Needless to say sleepless/restless nights to not make a girl look her best. However, I have recently picked up a few make-up tricks that make me look rested and refreshed even if I am not. I'm going to share them with whomever stumbles across this blog because let's face it - as women we have to look out for one another.

Both tricks deal with eye make-up because usually that's where you really see fatigue. You can use a little blush to fix the telltale sign of paleness, but to make your eyes look more awake takes a little more work! (By the way, concealer is a must and a given.)

Trick #1 - Nude Eyeliner.

If you line the inside of your lower eyelid with nude eyeliner, your eyes will instantly look wider and more awake. When you are tired, the inside of your eye becomes red, which causes you to look fatigued and your eyes to look small. By coloring this with a nude pencil, you restore the natural color and look much more refreshed. I bought a $5 pencil from Sephora - Sephora Brand in nude beige. It's a life saver.


Trick #2 - Mr. Frosty

Mr. Frosty might sounds like a yummy dessert from Wendy's but in actuality it's a miracle in a stick. This white highlighter when used properly makes your eyes look much more open and therefore more awake. Draw a sideways V in the inner corner of your eyes and then smudge it out toward your nose with your pinky. The white reflects the light to make your eyes look softer and more awake. You will need to make sure that you have a wider pencil sharpener. This stick is too fat for a regular one. It's worth the investment though. I am in love with this product. It's made by Benefit but you can buy it at Sephora.

Ok those are my tips for today. I've got a busy weekend lined up so I'm going to need every trick to make sure that I make the best impression. ;)

Anthem of Inspiration

I find a lot of comfort and inspiration in music. I'm attracted to many different types of music from classical to punk. What I need from the music determines what I play. Anger music = punk or rock. Destressing music = classical. Fun music = pop. And, well you get the picture.

When I need inspiration or comfort, one of my favorite groups is Secret Garden. It's a New Age group comprised of an Irish violinist and a Norwegian piano player (he's also the composer). I find their music very soothing and at times very inspirational. Their most famous song is You Raise Me Up, which Josh Groban made famous. However as much as I love Josh, I still like the original version with Brian Kennedy's voice better, and it came out several years before Josh released it. I was actually really sad when You Raise Me Up became such a hit because I felt like something special had been stolen from me and given to the masses. I know that is not true, but prior to the song becoming so well known, I had considered it my personal anthem of inspiration.

Secret Garden now has a new CD, and I have found a new inspirational song. Let's hope that Josh Groban stays far away from it so that it can remain mine alone. :)

The lyrics are pretty powerful - here are just a few:

Sometimes we stumble,
Sometimes we even fall,
And we can't find a friend,
Can't comprehend it all;
And we are lost,
With nothing to hold on to,
When we can't find the answer,
Sometimes a prayer will do.

And though we wonder,
Uncertain if we will get through.
To face the future,
Sometimes a prayer will do.

The vocals in this arrangement are incredibly powerful as you can hear in the clip below. Tracey Campbell provides them and her voice is very soulful. The song has a gospel edge to it which I think is pretty cool.

Laugh Break

A friend sent me a really funny e-mail the other day. It was full of random thoughts that are just too true. I thought I'd share a few of my favorites. It's Thursday and I figured that we could all use a laugh. Only 1 more day until the weekend!

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
• There is a great need for a sarcasm font
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure that I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Lol has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart."
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in front of the line. Stay strong, brothers!
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an icebreaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem. . .
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes and I swear that I did not make any.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new guy, I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my ITunes except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen or so songs.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
  

Long Live Mozart!

Yesterday, I read this article that said that Mozart might have actually died from strep throat. So sad to lose a great musical genius to such a common disease. Oh well, I guess that's what happened in a time without antibiotics.

But this article got me thinking about classical music. I LOVE classical music. It must come from years and years of playing classical violin music.

Usually I prefer Russian composers to German composers. I really like the music of the ballet, and Russians were kings of the ballet. However, I have great respect for the German composers too. Frankly some of the hardest music I have ever played was written by Mozart and Bach.

Below is a clip of one of my favorite Mozart pieces. Now I could try and be all cool and edgy and pick one of his lesser known works but why bother. I really love Serenade in G major, K. 525 Eine kleine Nachtmusik aka A Little Night Music - one of his most famous pieces of music. It has all of the great features of Mozart's compositions. It sounds very pretty and simple, but it's ridiculously hard to play (trust me I've suffered through many an orchestra rehearsal trying to keep up!).

I cannot help but wonder what great music we would have had if it had not been for that darn strep throat. After all, Mozart was only 35 when he died! All of that untapped potential. Who knows if he had even hit his peak!

Soulmates

This weekend, a friend and I went to see The Time Traveler's Wife. This is one of my all time favorite books, and I was very excited to see the movie. I thought that it was a good adaptation too.

However, it really got me thinking about the concept of soulmates. When I was a teenager, I used to really think that there was only one person for everyone. It was like two fallen stars trying to reconnect. Once you found this other half of yourself, everything in life would be blissfully happy. As I've grown up, I've realized just how foolish this idea really is.

Yes, I do believe in love, but I no longer think that being in love will solve all problems. Just because you love someone does not mean that you will not have problems down the road. Relationships are constant work and both halves of the couple need to be willing to commit to working continually on a relationship.

I also do not believe that if the person you love dies that you should live the rest of your life alone. The person left behind is still alive and should be able to love again.

This is not what happens in The Time Traveler's Wife. In the book, Clare spends the last 40-50 years of her life waiting for her time traveling husband - her soulmate - to visit her. He's been dead for 40-50 years, but she hopes that in the past, he had traveled into the future and had visited her during this time (you kind of have to read the book to fully get this part). She knows that it happens because he has visited their daughter after his death.

However, Henry does not come to Clare until she is near death. She has wasted half of her life waiting for him. During this time, she was in limbo - unable to move on or to love again.

I find this incredibly sad. But, I think when I was a teenager, I would have found it extremely romantic. As an adult, I'm a realistic enough to recognize that living in limbo is a half life. I still love this book, but I'm glad it's fiction. I hope that the real Clare would have been able to find someone new to love while still loving the memory of her dead husband.

La Misere de Toulouse

In the Fall of 2002, I was supposed to study abroad in Toulouse, France. To make a long story short, I had a miserable couple of days there and decided to come home. I had never wanted to study abroad in France much less major in French, but I allowed myself to be talked into both.

The Toulouse experience taught me many things the least of which is that sometimes disappointing others to make yourself happy is a necessary trade off. It also taught me to listen to my gut instinct which had told me all along that this was not the place for me.

My host father was a truly miserable human being. He criticized everything about my family, my upbringing, and the United States. He even sent my mother a nasty e-mail after I went home.

To this day, I hate the city of Toulouse and M. Etienne de Planchard.

As the new school year approaches, I have been reminiscing about that Fall and my Toulouse experience. I decided to write a tongue-and-cheek poem about it. I had so much fun with my Ode to the Red Line that I decided to try my hand at it again.

The words do rhyme, but you need to say the French words like the French to make it work. Please excuse the lack of accents as I could not figure out how to create them in the blog space. Also, the one stanza is in French but you should be able to get the gist of it. :)

La Misere de Toulouse

Along the banks of the Garonne
Lies a town I loathe more than any one.

You are called la ville rose.
But for me, you hold only woes.

I find your people angry and mean.
And this I should have foreseen.

For you were the home of many crusaders
Who were the fiercest of all invaders.

The gateway to the fortress of Carcasonne
And home to the cruelest people bar none.

People who bastardize the language of kings
By adding "a's" to the end of everything.

Oh, what a miserable place where people are rotten
And common decency is completely forgotten.

This ugly forgotten city,
Should evoke some pity.

But instead I feel only hate
Since these anti-Americans make me irate.

And the most insincere of all
Was an old man very small.

Monsieur Etienne de Planchard
Tu es vraiment un batard.

I leave you to your cheap booze.
All alone in the miserable city of Toulouse.

Chocolatey Goodness

I decided to try a new recipe. I wanted something chocolatey but without a lot of calories.

I found this chocolate mouse recipe online. The original receipe had 200 calories per serving. I doctored it to use sugar free pudding and fat free Cool Whip. I also did not include the liqueur (mainly because I did not have any and did not feel like going back to the store). Now, it has much fewer calories, and it's still delicious. Yay!


Irish Cream chocolate Mousse

6 servings - half cup each

1 1/4 cups cold milk (I used skim)
1/4 cup Irish cream liqueur or milk
1 pkg. JELL-O Chocolate Instant Pudding (I used the sugar free version)
2 cups thawed Cool Whip (I used the fat free kind)
1/2 cup fresh raspberries (I did not have these so mine did not look as pretty as the picture)

Beat milk, liqueur and pudding with whisk 2 minutes.
Stir in 1 1/2 cups of Cool Whip
Spoon into 6 dessert dishes.
Refrigerate until ready to serve
Top with remaining cool whip and raspberries just before serving

This is seriously the easiest recipe ever!

Who's Awesome Now? Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I've decided that occasionally I am going to write about people, places, or things that I think are awesome. Currently that honor falls to the actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I have always liked him from movies like 10 Things I Hate about You and Stop Loss, but he really blew me away in his new movie 500 Days of Summer. Be forewarned there are some spoilers ahead.

This movie is fantastic. There are parts that are funny and then there are parts that tear your heart out. JGL even gets to do a funny dance sequence - a total play on Enchanted. He also gets to reenact scenes from classic foreign films like The Seventh Seal in a very clever movie theater sequence.

But where he really blew me away, and where I feel he even desires award recognition, comes near the end of the movie. When the girl he loves - Summer - invites him to a party that turns out to be her engagement party, you can feel the shock emanating from him. Everyone in the audience was like "what a bitch! how could she not tell him that she was seeing someone else much less that it was that serious?" For him to find out that she has moved on because he sees her engagement ring, is just the height of cruelty.

Then comes their meeting after she is married. Summer comes over to JGL and tries to pretend like nothing has happened. I was very proud of JGL because he just lays it out there that she should have told him what was going on and then asks how a girl who never wanted to be married could possibly meet someone and get married less than a year after breaking up with him. Summer's answer made me hate this character forever. She says to him "One day I just knew. I knew what I was never sure of with you."

I literally felt like I had been punched in the gut. How could Summer be so mean to JGL? JGL's face said it all - he did not even need words for this acting. It was at this point that I realized he had truly become an amazing actor.
500 Days of Summer was a great movie. The acting is good and the story is clever. Any movie that can pull this much emotion from the audience (and I am not alone in this) deserves kudos. Bravo!

The Boy Who Learned How to Pick Up Girls from Fundraising Letters

For all of you non-profit fundraising people out there, you will appreciate this video. We all know how fundraising copy can be dry. You have to pack in a lot of statistics and information. You also have to have an enemy and tell people how much you hate that enemy.

The guys who write the Donor Power Blog created this video. It's affectionately called "The Boy Who Learned How to Pick Up Girls from Fundraising Letters."

It's pretty hysterical.

What's That I Hear?

I came to the realization at work today that I am bored with all of my music. This happens to me occasionally. I realize that I've been listening to the same CDs or artists for a while and it's time for something new. Even songs that are my favorites become boring. When I am skipping more songs on a playlist than I am actually listening to, I know it's time for a change. I'm sure I'll go back to my old favorites later, but for now, I need a break!

I decided to buy myself some new CDs. When I am buying an entire album, I like to buy the actual CD. I'm definitely an ITunes person but more for individual songs.

The first album that I decided to buy today is the new Green Day CD. I really like Green Day. They feed my spirit when I am angry or stressed out. When I need to vent some frustration I like to blast American Idiot. I also will listen to Boulevard of Broken Dreams when I am mad at the world. It's angsty that way.

I already know that I really like one song from this CD. I've been OBSESSED with 21 Guns lately. It's an amazing song.


I also decided to buy some more mellow music. I need something for when I am feeling low key or when I need something to calm me down. Usually classical music does the trick here, but this time, I decided to buy the new CD by The Fray. I really like Never Say Never off of this CD and the rest of the songs seem to be along the same vein. It should be good!



Lastly I needed something that was fun. I decided to buy David Cook's CD. Yes, he was on American Idol, but he has a pretty good sound. The songs of his that I hear on the radio are catchy. I also love the video that is done backwards. It's super cool! And, let's face it, he's really cute. I do not mind owning a CD with him on the cover! Plus, his kind of music is fun road trip music, and I have a bunch of those coming up.

I'm open to buying more music. I have to create a new playlist to keep me from getting bored! All suggestions are welcome.

For now, I'll leave you with the video for 21 Guns. It's truly awesome.

Waxing Philosophic

Bear with me for a bit. I'm feeling the need to wax philosophic.

If I were to break a vase and it fell into many little pieces, when I glued it back together, would it be the same? Probably not. Most likely, the vase would be weaker and more apt to be broken in the future.

I guess it is the same way with any object. If I take a tree and turn it into lumber then it's still the tree but in a different form. The problem comes that the lumber can never be made back into the tree. It's irrevocably altered.

I wonder if this works the same way for intangible things like emotions and faith. If your heart is broken, when it's put back together is it the same? I'm talking about the metaphorical heart not an actual heart. Apparently if you reconstruct an actual heart or use an artificial one - you will live to be well over 100. They are practically indestructible.

Anyway, back to my moment of philosophy. I do not think that you are the same. I think that experiences - good and bad - irrevocably change you and make you unable to return to your prior state. Therefore if your heart is broken, you may be able to put it back together, but it will not be the same. The situation, person, etc has left its mark.

I think this is the same when you have a crisis of faith. If something happens to make you question your belief in God, will you ever be able to return to your prior level of faith? In my opinion, the short answer to this question is no. Once you have gone down the path that forces you to question everything that you believe in, you cannot return to your pre-journey state.

The longer answer to this is that your faith can come back either weaker or stronger than before. If your path leads you to such a crisis that you were to no longer harbor any beliefs, then your faith is much weaker. However, sometimes the journey causes you to reevaluate life and can actually strengthen your faith.

Many people say that the sum of your experiences makes you unique and that what does not kill you makes you stronger. I am not so sure that it makes you stronger, but it definitely makes you different. Different can be good or it can be bad but in the end you are still changed. The hard part comes when you have to reconcile yourself to that change and know that no matter how hard you fight it that experience, person, etc has changed you forever.

There is no way to take the broken vase and make it the same as a new one.

The "Jackie"!

Gucci has a purse called the "Jackie". I feel like it is meant for me!!

Too bad it's about $3,000. Alas, it will remain in the store.

I actually feel like anything with my name in it should be mine. And, designers should give it to me for free since they borrowed my name for the item. Why can't retail places think that too?

Look to the Rainbow

When I was very young, my mother used to sing me Irish lullabies. For some reason, I've had one of them stuck in my head lately.

It's Look to the Rainbow from the musical Finian's Rainbow. Maybe listening to my mom sing this song is what inspired my love of musicals. Who knows.

My mother has an absolutely beautiful voice. I tried to find a video online that did justice to her rendition, but it could not be done. Below is the version by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir featuring Shane Warby. It's beautiful too but in a different way.

Listening to it brings back memories of my childhood.

I Heart Twitter

Sad but true - I have recently become addicted to Twitter. I signed up for the account months ago, but it's only been over the last few weeks, that I've started using it.

For some reason, I feel like I can say things on Twitter that I would not say on Facebook or even this blog. I think it might be because Twitter feels so impersonal. It's 140 characters to blurt out whatever you want to say, and since I don't know that many people on it, I feel like I am almost able to do this in an truly incognito fashion. It's pretty awesome in that respect. It's allowed me to vent many recent frustrations. :)

I also like it because I can follow some of my favorite celebrities. It's fun to read their random thoughts. I initially joined to follow Ashton Kutcher and help him get to a million followers (he wanted to beat stupid CNN and he did - yay Ashton!). Ashton is still one of my favorite people to follow. He's really funny. I also saw a clip of him on Regis & Kelly where he was talking about Twitter. He's so into it and actually reads the things that people tweet back to him. I think that's pretty cool.

I'm also following Josh Groban. My friends all hate Josh Groban, but that's ok - he's meant to be mine. I think they hate his music and not necessarily him as a person, but I'm not sure about that. Anyway, I always knew he was funny because of interviews and videos on his blog. He also gets along really well with Ellen so how could he not be cool? His tweets crack me up. He's probably my second favorite person to follow.

It's also kind of cool to get up to the minute news in real time. When I was in NY last weekend, I was just blocks away from where the airplane and helicopter crashed into the Hudson. News was slow coming out on traditional websites. But, newscasters were tweeting like crazy so I was able to follow along with what was going on. That was pretty awesome.

I'm so glad that I have a phone that now actually works with the internet. Now I can really become a Twitter addict! Ummmmm. . . .not that I wasn't already.

Group Hug Confessions

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it, but I'm totally addicted to this website - Group Hug: Anonymous Online Confessions.

It is amazing what people will post online. I'm convinced that some of them are made up for shock or entertainment value. But if even a third of them are true, that's something.

This site is a complete time vacuum. I go on it and all of a sudden I lose a half an hour. At least I'm entertained while eating my lunch!

Chucking Out the Ladder

I know this guy who swears by the ladder theory.

The ladder theory is a relationship explanation theory. The men who wrote it are kind of intense and include many many rules. But, what it boils down to is that men and women view relationships differently in the following ways:

1) Men cannot just be friends with women. Even if they have known the woman for 25 years, at one point or another they will imagine what it would be like to sleep with that woman.

Each woman is assigned a position on the man's ladder. The top of the ladder is the woman with whom the man wants the most. The bottom of the ladder includes women that the man probably finds hideous but would still sleep with - although not admit to it.

The abyss is the place that women fall into if they are in some way so unappealing to the man that he would run screaming in the other direction. From what the ladder theorists say, there are very few women in the abyss.

2) Women have 2 ladders. They have the friend ladder and the relationship (real) ladder. The friend ladder includes people with whom the woman never plans to ever have sex. The relationship ladder is similar to the man's ladder.

If a man tries to cross from the friend ladder to the relationship ladder, he usually ends up falling into the abyss. The relationship with the woman becomes so awkward that they stop being friends as well as potential partners.

A few months ago when I first heard about the ladder theory, I thought it was the dumbest thing that I had ever heard. It took everything in me not to tell the ladder theory aficionado guy that he was a few cards short of a full deck if he bought this crap. But, I minded my manners and kept my opinion to myself.

However, in the last few months, I have discussed the ladder theory with many people. Probably because I find it so bizarre that it makes for great conversation. After discussing it with a few men, I've come to realize that while the ladder theory takes an overly simplified view of relationships, it does hold some truth. The kernel of truth is that some men are very limited in their ability to have various types of relationships with women.

Many straight men are not interested in having a true friendship with a woman. They have their buddies to fill that void in their lives. Although they can be friendly with women, there is always the possibility of something more. However, I think that most men get over it so that they do not destroy good friendships. They are able to keep those "maybe it could happen" feelings to themselves.

Women are capable of being friends with men - even those to whom they may have been previously attracted. In my opinion, this comes from a change in mindset on the part of women that some men are incapable of making. I call it "flipping the switch." Something may happen - an argument, meeting a new person, change in location, etc - that makes a potential relationship no longer possible. At this time, the woman flips the switch and moves the man from the relationship ladder to the friend ladder. This allows her to keep a connection with an important person in her life but move on to find a new relationship partner.

It is not possible for women to flip the switch with all men. If a break-up or falling out is so horrific, there is probably no hope of salvaging that relationship - at least not for a loooong time. At this point, you should just cut your losses and move on. Time to find someone new and banish said man from your life.

In my opinion, the ladder theory provides such a simplistic view of relationships that it diminishes humans until they are little more than animals. This may be the point of the theorists. They may think that we are not that evolved when it comes to sex - that we are basically reverting back to caveman tactics.

This may be true, but I think that it sells people - especially men - short. If one were to take the ladder theory as gospel, then people would really miss out on worthwhile and life changing friendships. And that would really suck.

The odds of a man and a woman being in the same position on each other's ladder are slim. However, that does not mean that all of the other women or men on your ladder will not bring valuable contributions to your life.

I guess it's up to the individual to decide if he/she is capable of rising above the caveman instinct to chuck the ladder out the window and take each person on his/her own merit. We evolved for a reason, right? So we might as well act like it.

Sad But True - I Think Sienna Miller Is Awesome

I've been writing about more serious/personal subjects lately so I thought it was time to lighten the mood. So let's chat about my strange fascination with Sienna Miller. I don't think she's that great a person, and I don't think she's that great an actress. But for some odd reason, I still really like her.

I think it's because she represents everything that I am not.

1) She is completely confident. She goes after what she wants and does not care who gets in her way. She's broken up at least two marriages - that the media have reported anyway - and broken the hearts of countless other men. Now I'm not saying that I want to be a heartbreaker, but it would be nice to have a fraction of the confidence around men that she seems to.

2) She has awesome fashion sense. I love that every outfit that she puts together seems completely effortless. Her style is a little too bohemian for me, but I wish I was free spirited enough to be able to pull it off. She even has her own fashion line! That's just awesome.

3) She acts in really diverse movies. Her movies aren't great, but they are always interesting. My initial fascination started with Factory Girl. Her character was just so tragic that how could you not feel for her. I really loved her as the bitchy girl in Stardust - she was hysterical. Then she played Dylan Thomas' wife in the under appreciated Edge of Love - a really interesting film. Next she is going to be in the G.I Joe movie. That movie looks awesome. Lots of stuff blow up, and it stars hot Channing Tatum. Plus, Sienna Miller has proven that she can look good even as a brunette.

4) She's a natural blonde. In my next life, I really want to be blonde. I completely agree that blondes have more fun.


I realize that I am probably one of the few people on the entire planet that think Sienna Miller is awesome, but that's ok. I'm happy to be a fan club of one!

Do Clothes Have Feelings?

Recently a friend of mine blogged about clothes carrying mental baggage. I totally get that because I am the same way. I will remember when I wore something and if something bad happens while I am wearing that article of clothing, then it will be tarnished forever.

For example, I can usually remember exactly what I wore during a first date. If the date goes well, then that outfit gets a big thumbs up. If the date does not go so well, then the piece of clothing is toast. This recently happened to me, and as a result, a former favorite top became an inhabitant of the "go to Goodwill" bag. Why would I want to continue wearing something that now makes me feel ugly? I cannot dissociate my feeling toward the event from my feelings toward the clothes. They become irreversibly interconnected in my mind.

In another example, I remember exactly what I wore to my grandmother's funeral. It was a very nice outfit, but now I consider it a "funeral outfit." Whenever I wear that outfit or even a piece of it (like the shoes) I remember the funeral and then I feel sad.

The reverse also works. If I have a meeting and the meeting goes really well, then whatever outfit I wore instantly becomes a confidence booster. I'll wear it to my next meeting and feel better about that meeting's prospects.

Likewise, if I have a really great time doing something, then that outfit will become a favorite. When I wear it, I'll feel happy and pretty. What woman does not want to feel like both of those things? This recently happened with my new purple dress from Banana Republic (the attached picture is the dress in white). That dress is now one of my favorite pieces of clothing.

I realize that I probably should not let outside events or the opinions of others dictate how I feel about my clothes. But, I've always been a sensitive person and that definitely plays into my associative memory. I tend to attach memories and feelings to most things - not just clothes. It's both a blessing and a curse. In my experience, men do not have this same type of associative memory. How did many women and particularly me become so blessed?