I had an interesting conversation recently with Mike. It was a bit on the serious side, which I take as a positive step in our relationship since we feel comfortable enough with one another to talk about serious things.
But anyway, I digress. We were talking about past relationships and how sometimes you do not realize what situation you are in until you are looking back at it.
I think that this is very true with many things. It's hard to judge a situation when you are in its midst. It's easy to either ignore problems or make excuses for bad behavior. Then when the situation has passed or the relationship has ended, you begin to see things more clearly.
When looking back, you realize that certain actions, comments, etc were not acceptable. Anyone who would hurt you for the sake of hurting you is bad news and has a plethora of problems that you will not be able to help solve. Or you may realize that it was weird when the guy or girl tried to mold you into a different person. When I dated Jason, I felt so uncomfortable because it seemed like he was trying to fit me into this preconceived mold of what our relationship should be. I literally felt like he had a checklist, and it bothered me so much that I had to break up with him. At the time, I could not put my finger on what exactly I did not like about our relationship, but after a few weeks, clarity dawned and I realized the problem.
I think it's healthy to look back on relationships and experiences to try and figure out what really was going on. It's too difficult to see reason when you are clouded by emotion.
However, I do not think it's good to dwell on the past. Learn from situations and your mistakes and then move on. This way you hopefully will not end up in a similar situation or relationship in the future. Ending up in a bad situation once is understandable and happens to all of us. But, to go into the same situation when you now know the warnings signs, is upsetting because it could be avoided.
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