I've been thinking a lot about what makes a family a family. Over the past few weeks, the question seems to be following me through personal relationships, books, and television shows.
In the current book club book, a man who has no biological relationship to his ex-stepdaughter feels and acts like more of a father to her than her adopted father. People in his life think that is strange. But if he loves this girl as a daughter, why should he not treat her as such? (the fact that she's a manipulative brat has no bearing on this conversation but it does impact my enjoyment of the novel).
In both the TV show Brothers and Sisters and in the situation of a colleague, a gay couple is having a baby via a surrogate. I think that this is great. They are making their own family - biology mostly aside. Why should families only be traditional? As long as people are happy and children are loved, how can that be bad?
I've decided that family has little to do with biology and everything to do with personal connection. A great example of this is my immediate family's current relationship with my father's extended family. Basically, we no longer have one - and I don't miss them. How can you miss people that are cruel enough to throw a 90 year old woman (my grandmother) out of the house?
What I have realized is that my extended family is now my friends. Biology has nothing to do with my connection to these people, but they are family all the same. In the end, your family consists of the people that you can count on. If I was in trouble, I would never call my cousin Maria for help, but I would call one of my close friends. Why? Because I know that they would be there and that's what family does. Biology has nothing to do with it.
I don't hate Thalia as much. I still dislike her, but consider her parents and the fact she's all young NYC, she turned out ok. She could have been like her brothers. Technically, she had two adoptive fathers and her biological father (though he's a bit off the hook because didn't he die?). That said, I did like that part of the book, of reconnecting and forming family (especially if it makes Todd's mother happy to have grandchildren).
ReplyDeleteI think there's the family with which you're saddled and the family you create throughout life. If you're lucky, there's some overlap in that area. Plus, I feel like I can more abuse the family that is saddled with me versus the one I chose. :)
Being able to "abuse" family is definitely true in the case of my immediate family. I know that Mom, Dad, and Dani will always be there for me. My extended family - not so much! Good riddance I say. :)
ReplyDelete