Sunday, September 27, 2009

My new "zen" approach to life

I have been trying to adopt a more "zen" approach to life. Some days it works and some days I fail miserably.

These teachings are not quite what I had in mind for my new zen lifestyle but they are pretty funny.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • Always remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
  • Some days you are the dog, some days you are the hydrant.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt ... then things just keep getting worse.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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